he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
