hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
