He uses pillows to masturbate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
