Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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