He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
