I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
where are my eyebrows?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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