The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
