Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
