just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
