When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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