Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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