I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
