That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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