he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
pray to the hookup gods
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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