i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
