Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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