I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
