I puked a lego.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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