Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
