I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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