My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize