if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
