Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
