so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
