Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
