I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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