Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
