I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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