Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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