Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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