Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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