My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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