I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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