He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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