in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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