I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize