piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
