im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
