Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
