I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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