I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
