I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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