Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize