thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
