ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
