my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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