sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
