Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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