Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
