Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
