It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
