allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
