We're facebook friends in real life
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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