My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
