you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
