dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
