where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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