The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
