I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im part way to drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
