I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
