Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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