Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
