Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
