oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..