Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky

Replies (4) Good night (1441) Bad night (632)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

I like taco bell too

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(608): You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal" (1-608): I like taco bell too http://tfl.nu/tqnv

Replies (9) Good night (4174) Bad night (858)
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(847): View more from Illinois

i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding

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(847): i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding http://tfl.nu/srhr

Replies (12) Good night (5543) Bad night (754)
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(469): View more from Texas

Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

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(469): Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work. http://tfl.nu/vgtk

Replies (12) Good night (1090) Bad night (5197)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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(678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f

Replies (24) Good night (5120) Bad night (1170)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0

Replies (23) Good night (3146) Bad night (1088)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

You're welcome.

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(541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz

Replies (6) Good night (2324) Bad night (642)
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(817): View more from Texas

Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.

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(817): Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/5d6q

Replies (2) Good night (1358) Bad night (562)
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(702): View more from Nevada

By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set

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(702): By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set http://tfl.nu/1rax

Replies (12) Good night (1433) Bad night (967)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

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(570): After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother. (1-570): Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off. http://tfl.nu/5ewz

Replies (6) Good night (1986) Bad night (589)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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(910): I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship http://tfl.nu/4tn2

Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (388)
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(407): View more from Florida

No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(

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(407): No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :( http://tfl.nu/m10m

Replies (5) Good night (362) Bad night (452)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for

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(262): It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for http://tfl.nu/8tbr

Replies (6) Good night (400) Bad night (308)
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(515): View more from Iowa

At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.

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(515): At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship. http://tfl.nu/c3ns

Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (362)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt

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(860): I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt http://tfl.nu/f4bb

Replies (3) Good night (204) Bad night (392)

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