After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
