I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.