I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Of course I have a pirate flag
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after