So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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