Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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