Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?