Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?