You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
