She's JV to your varsity
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
