I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A bitchslap is in order.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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