We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
