Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
