one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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