told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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