i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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