last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
accomplished twins. life is a go
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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