Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
