At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
