I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
