That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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