he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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