I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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