Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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