the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
