I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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