So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
